- Compress what you mean into the fewest possible words.
- Don't tell your readers what they already know, don't need to know,
or can infer.
Unfortunately, we can inflate our prose in so many ways that it is impossible to list them all, but the following suggestions should help you find the most common types of wordiness.
past memories
various differences
each individual
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
sudden crisis
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
free gift
past history
unexpected surprise
Example: Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various differences between all of the many vacation packages her travel agency was offering, the customer changed his future plans.
Revised: Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences between the vacation packages her travel agency was offering, the customer changed his plans.
large in size
of a bright color
heavy in weight
round in shape
at an early time
of a cheap quality
honest in character
of an uncertain condition
in a confused state
unusual in nature
extreme in degree
of a strange type
economics field
area of mathematics
Example: During that time period, many car buyers tended to prefer cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance.
Revised: During that time, many car buyers tended to prefer pink, shiny cars.
kind of
sort of
really
basically
for all intents and purposes
definitely
actually
generally
individual
specific
Example: For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.
Revision: American industrial productivity depends on factors that are more psychological than technological.
Example: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.
Revised: Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.
Example: Baseball, one of our oldest and most popular outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between the players' passively waiting with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and exploding into action when the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and he fields it.
Revised: Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action.
Example: As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before you do anything else is to try to see where sequences of subjects and verbs could replace the same ideas expressed in nouns rather than verbs.
Revised: As you edit, first find nominalizations you can replace with clauses.
Example: The committee made the decision to....
Revised: The committee decided to....
Example: They entered into an agreement to....
Revised: They agreed to....
the reason for
for the reason that
due to the fact that
owing to the fact that = because, since, why
in light of the fact that
considering the fact that
on the grounds that
this is why
on the occasion of
in a situation in which = when
under circumstances in which
as regards
in reference to
with regard to = about
concerning the matter of
where ________ is concerned
it is crucial that
it is necessary that
there is a need/necessity for = must, should
it is important that cannot be avoided
is able to is in a position to
has the opportunity to = can
has the capacity for
has the ability to
it is possible that
there is a chance that
it could happen that = may, might, can, could
the possibility exists for
Example: It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations.
Revised: Nothing may come of these preparations.
-unnecessary articles (a, an, the)
Example: The evidence we have....
Revised: Evidence we have....
-unnecessary that, who, and which clauses
Example: All applicants who are interested in the job must....
Revised: All applicants interested in the job must....
-or-
All interested job applicants must....
-unnecessary there is and there are sentence beginnings
Example: There are four rules to observe....
Revised: Four rules to observe are....
-unnecessary passives
Example: An account was opened by Mrs. Sims.
Revised: Mrs. Sims opened an account.
-unnecessary infinitive phrases (infinitive phrase= to + verb)
Example: The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it.
Revised: A clerk checks and records all incoming mail.
After reviewing this handout, try a practice exercise.